That's what a wise friend called it when I said I wasn't sleeping, was waking up every morning too early, every effing morning. In fact I've got to hate going to bed, because I'm already waiting to wake up - and I've always been one of those annoying people who usually love mornings. A whole day ahead, and all that.
'Ah,' my friend said. 'The judgement hour. Between three and four, I guess.'
Why yes. I'm waking every morning at 3.46am almost exactly according to the digital alarm clock I also hate. So in some ways, it's comforting to know I'm not alone. That there are many many others there having that horrible hour of facing all the bad things you might have said, or done. That joke you thought was funny when you were telling it but in retrospect was just a bit embarrasing. The deadlines you're not going to make. Even the time you were six and told your mum you weren't the one who ate the last piece of cake and your sister had to take the blame. Etc, etc, etc. Well, kind of comforting. As soon as I get up, everything falls back into proportion, but, hey, I've always been more than a 'getting by' girl so I want to kick this. Any suggestions welcome, as is anyone who wants to keep me company in the 4am blues, including James Thurber, it seems, who said: "I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness."
In the meantime, I'm particularly interested in this blog, and this, and this.