Saturday, September 20, 2008

A survival test ...

The Ground Rules
Both you and the raptor are tethered to the bunk bed with 7 foot chains
The chains are unbreakable and cannot be removed from the bunk bed
The bunk bed is light enough that you can drag it a little
You are free to run around the bed or get on the top bunk

Now try your luck ....

I could survive for 51 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor

(from BB, the home of all good things even if, annoyingly, she could survive three seconds longer than me.)

14 comments:

Nik's Blog said...

1 min 3. Still not that long is it!

Kathryn said...

I will do anything to avoid hoovering. 51 seconds for me too!

Alex said...

54 seconds. I doubt I'd make five in real life.

Sarah Salway said...

Nik, you are so far the winner so you have at least six seconds of gloating over the rest of us. Mind, you may not be conscious I guess.

Nik's Blog said...

I guess that too. And I'm not sure my mind would really be all that focussed on gloating. Now, what we need is for us all to be tethered to the same bed (with still just the one v'raptor after us). Teamwork, see? And Kathryn should bring her hoover - we could use it as a weapon...

N

Douglas Bruton said...

(Ok... now this needs to be read out loud... as if you were reading to an audience and timed...)

See for me... being philosophical in nature, I am wondering how it is I came to be chained to a bed... and nobody there but me and this raptor-thingy... it's like some major gone-wrong kinky dream... and that's why I don't have cuffs in the house... not even those pink furry ones. And then there's that raptor... now how did that come to be similarly tethered? Do raptors have kinky sex too... and then maybe we get to talking, this raptor and me, and I says to it, 'what's your story' and there's the beginning of something, but I'm not sure what.

And that's about 25 secs (not sex) and what do you know, they ain't so quick to eat ya if you just get em talking. And they talk real slow, like their thoughts take time to reach their mouths, slow and deliberate, every word measured and weighted. You have to listen real close, collecting up those slow-said words and then putting them together yourself to make sense of what is said.

And it seems that that's about 45 secs (still not sex) and she says to me - cos it is a she.. calls herself Clarissa... and that just seems so civilised... cos if it's gonna eat ya it ain't gonna be called nothing like Clarissa... leastways that's what I'm thinking, what I'm hoping, what I'm banking on - and she says to me, Clarisssa does, that there was a Bob, and he was real nice, at first. Whispering sweet nothings in her ear... only they seemed to mean something when he said them, and her head dizzy from what he said... about her eyes, and the way the light caught her skin, not scaly or rough, but like burnished gold and so smooth he would like to brush his pink tongue up her gold cheek.

And one thing led to another and one drink to the next - oh, yes, there was drinking... wine in glasses that clinked like bells when they toasted the moon and the stars and love and all the rest. And that's about 90 secs - and this time there WAS sex... Clarissa and Bob, wild tooth-and-claw raptor-sex.. and the whole world a blur and it moved some too, and where the handcuffs came from she does not know and Bob says he swallowed the key... but that only happens in movies or bad television... and so we are here... and I am here, and still not eaten... and I can keep this going going going... (nearly two minutes now) and maybe that makes me a winner... except for these bloody handcuffs cutting into my wrists cos they been fastened too tight...

(Neat game, Sarah. The thing is, not to ever play by the rules.)

D

Sarah Salway said...

Douglas! I mean, well, Douglas! Now translate all that to pirate talk and you'll definitely be the winner...

DJ Kirkby said...

The widget brought me here...I'd survive for 1 min, 13 seconds....think it might be better to die quickly....

Sarah Salway said...

Nice to see you here, dj. Have you managed to do anything else since the bb widget went up??!!!

jem said...

I only lasted for 44 seconds! but I enjoyed every one of them!

Tiny Circus said...

1:16. Eat the writers first I say! Then it might be full enough to leave me alone.

Sarah Salway said...

Cor, apart from Douglas who is STILL handcuffed to the bed, you are the longest survivor. And not all writers get eaten, mind, just the poets. They are more tender after all.

BB said...

I could have made it a lot longer if I hadn't answered honestly about screaming and running to the end of my chain.

(I'm in awe that this widget is a promo for a bunk bed blog. So random and fabulous!)

Debi said...

1 min 3 secs for me too. Though I can't swear to the veracity of the reaction to having an arm bitten off.

So the answer has to be that we all work together to distract the rapt raptor. Or maybe adapt Douglas's suggestion and try to engage it in meaningful conversation - possibly about the virtues of non-violence and vegetarianism.

And BTW, if you wrapped your chain round it's neck, it would be a wrapped raptor. Or even a trapped, wrapped raptor ... and if it enjoyed it, it would be in raptures. A trapped ... well, you get the picture.

Why oh why do I get pulled in by this stuff ...? *sigh*